WeddingQuery....... ...... (SQL Style)

WeddingQuery....... ...... (SQL Style)

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage ( BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female(20) )
AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride
FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND
Count(Car) > 20 AND
HouseStatus = 'ThreeStoreyed' AND
BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND
Having Brothers = Null AND
Sisters = Null
SELECT Gold , Cash, Car, BankBalance
FROM FatherInLaw
UPDATE MyBankAccout
SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker
SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES('BMW')
END
GO

Then the wife writes the below query:
DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;

Not ALL rules can be followed!!!

A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office.

"What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all.

I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling............ My name is John Darling."

"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . .." :-)

Gadhav - Ultimate

Very Funny Marathi Jokes on Gadhav - Donkey

Bhayanak Marathi PJs

1.
4 mitra hotel madhe jataat..
waiter yeto ani sagle order detaat..
1st: 1 masala dosa
2nd: ajun 1 masala dosa
3rd: ajun 1 masala dosa
4th: CHALLENGE!!


2.
2 ri tala ek Mulaga School madhun ghari alayavar vadilana Mhanto

Mulaga : Me udya shool la janar nahi
Baba : kare kay zale
Mulaga : AAj aamachya school madhe aamache vajan kele
Vadil : mag tyacha school madhe n janayacha kay sambandh
Mulaga : kay mahit udya amhala vikun pan taktil



3.
2 chhoti mule ubhi astat.
pahila:mazi aai service karte.
dusra:mazi aai Tennis khelat nahi.:-(
4.
Baban : "kaa ho tumachya kaDe marutiche spare parts vikat miltat ka??"
Dukandaar : "Ho.."
Baban : "Mag mala ek gadaa dya..."
5.
gabbar:ye haath mujhe de de thakkur..

thakur:gap re yedya aapan kay paach teen doon khektoy ka ??yeda


6.
ekda vargat ganitcha vishay chalu hota..

guruji:gotya,samajh tujhya kadhe 10 laadu aahet.
gotya: majhya kadhe 10 laadu nahi aahet.
guruji:are samjh ki, tujhya bapacha kai jata??
gotya: khara majhya kadhe 10 laadu nahi aahet.
guruji:bara,tu bas.....are bandya,samajh tujhya kadhe 10 laadu aahet.
bandya:majhya kadhe 10 laadu nahi aahet.
guruji:are murkha, samjh ki, tujhya bapacha kai jata??
bandya:bara...thik aahe..phude saanga.
guruju: tujhya kadhe 10 laadu aahet ani mi tula ankhi 5 laadu dile..kiti laadu jhale????
bandya: 20!!
guruji:kai re gaadhava, 5 ani 10 vees(20) hotat ???
bandya:samajha ki ho guruji,tumhachya bapacha kai jata??


7.
Ravnachya lankela sonyachi lanka kaa mhantat.....????




Karan ravnala lahanpani aai baba sonya mhanayche....!!!!!

8.
Kareena kapur ani tushar kapur eka building chya top,mhanje 13th floor var rahat astat. dusre sagle actors 1st te 12th floor var rahtat. sagle lift vapartat. pan tushar kapur ani kareena kapur nahi vaparat.... kaa???














karan: 'Jeena sirf mere liye'

9.
Raja : "Kon ahe re tikade?"
Sevak : "Hukum maharaj..."
Raja : "Ispik..."


10.
Ekda doryachi(thread) bayko dori(thread) preganant aasate.Hospital madhe deliverychya veli complications hotat tyamule surgery karavi lagate.Operation zalya var doctor baher yetat tar tyana dora vichrarto,"doctor,doctor kay zal?"
Tar doctor mhantat,"GUNTA zala...!!!"
11.
Eka mansala 11 pora astat...

Pahilya 10 jananchi naava daha, vis, tis, chalis, pannas, saath, sattar, ainshi, navvad ani shambhar ashi astat...
Tar 11 vya mulache naav kay asel?
sanga na sanga na dhani. lavkar dya na hyacha uttar dhani…













































Ans : Ready ka?


12.
mithun ani paal
Mithun chakravarthy aani paal madhye kaay farak aahe??




mithun CHAKRAvarty ani paal BhINTIvarty.... [;p]

Globalization Definition

Question: What is the truest definition of
Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess

with an Egyptian boyfriend

crashes in a French tunnel,

driving a German car

with a Dutch engine,

driven by a Belgian who was drunk

on Scottish whisky,

followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,

on Japanese motorcycles;

treated by an American doctor,


This is sent to you by an Indian

using Bill Gates's technology,

and you're probably reading this on your computer,

that uses Taiwanese chips,

and a Korean monitor,

assembled by Chinese workers

in a Singapore plant,

transported to you by Bangladeshi rickshaw-driver.

That, my friends, is Globalization

Performance Pressure ::::

Performance Pressure ::::


Poultry farm ke malik ne tammam Murgiyon ko Order diya
"Agar tum logon ne kal se Do -- Do ande nahi diye to kal se tumhara dana pani band "
Murgiya dar gayi ....sab ne do do ande diye magar ek ne sirf ek anda diya "
Malik "tum ne 1 anda hi kyon diya "
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Jawab mila
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"Sir ye aapke dar ki wajah se diya hai waise main to Murga hoon"

Fastest thing

Four guys, one each from Harvard, Yale, MIT University and SANTA SINGH from Punjab University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job.

One common question was asked to all of them.

INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD ?

YALE Guy: It is Light, nothing can travel faster than Light.

HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; because thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind.

MIT Guy: Its Blink, you can blink and it's hard to realize you blinked

SANTA SINGH: Its Loose Motion

INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply) "WHY"?

SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over !!

IT Industry : Programmer and Manager

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces
height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and
shouts,

'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half
an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering
approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42
degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude.'

'You must be a programmer ,' says the balloonist.

'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to make of your Information
and the fact is I am still lost.'

The man below says, "You must be a project manager."

'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'

'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where you are
going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and
you expect me to solve your problem.' :-)

By all means......Marry!.... Laugh.....

By all Means... MARRY!

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

If only Resumes told the truth!

EMPLOYMENT
* NETWORK MANAGEMENT
(Present): Produced daily itinerary
Of television programs to watch.
Duties included changing channels,
Avoiding infomercials, and staying
Tuned after those messages.
* DEBT CONSOLIDATION (7/05-
10/06): Using various tools such as
Credit cards and borrowed cash, I
Managed to combine groups of
Unpaid bills into one monthly bill
That goes straight to my father.
* RESIDENT INHALER (9/03-6/05):
Assisted all students with chemical intake from purchasing to exhaling.

COMPUTER SKILLS
* Solitaire
* Minesweeper
* On/Off Repair Method

HONORS AND AWARDS
* First Place in Hot Dog eating and beer drinking tournaments.
* Said Toast at brother's wedding.
* Highest Score on Pin Ball Machine.

For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses, please pose all Questions as though you're considering me as a law school applicant.

EK SHAADI KI DAASTAAN:

Just after Marriage
Abhi shadi ka pehla hi saal tha
Khushi ke maare mera bura haal tha
Khushiyan kuch yun umad rahi thi
Ke sambhale nahin sambhal rahi thi
Subah subah madam ka chai Le kar aana
Thoda sharmate hue hame neend se jagana
Who pyar bhara haath hamare baalon mein phirana
Muskurate hue kehna ke darling chai pee loo
Jaldi se ready ho jao, office ko bhi hai jana
Ghar wali bhagwan ka roop Le kar aayi thi
Dil aur dimagh per poori tarah chaayi thi
Saans bhi lete the toh naam isi ka hota tha
Ek pal bhi door jeena dushwar hota tha

5 years later
Subah subah madam ka chai Le kar aana
Table per rakh ke zor se chillaana
Aaj office jaate hue munne ko school chodte jaana
Ek baar phir wohi awaaz aayi
'kya baat hai nahin chodi abhi tak chaarpaayi'
Agar munna late ho gaya toh dekh Lena
Munne ki teachers ko phir khud hee sambhal Lena
Najaane ghar wali kaisa roop Le kar aayi thi
Dil aur dimagh par kaali ghata jaise chaayi thi
Saans bhi lete hain toh unhi ka khayaal hota hai
Har samay zehan mey ek hee sawaal hota hai
Kya kabhi who din lout aayenge
Kya kabhi hum ek bar phir kunware ban paayenge?

10 Reasons Why God Created Eve!

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because he knew Men would never ask directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote Because men don't want to see what's on television, they want to see what else is On television.
8. God knew that Adam would
Never buy a new fig leaf when the
Seat wore out and therefore would
Need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would
Never make a doctors appointment
For himself.
6. God knew that Adam would
Never remember which night was
Garbage night.
5. God knew that if the world was
To be populated there would have
To be someone to bear children, because men would never be able to handle it.
4. As "Keeper of the Garden" Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The scripture account of creation indicates that Adam needed someone to
Blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone." He only ends up getting
Himself in trouble.
AND the #1 REASON WHY GOD CREATED EVE is ...
*
*
*
*
1. When God had finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his
Head and said, "I know I can do better than THIS!!"

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men!!!

I n the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with
Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy
(-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)
HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the
colours of your favourite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned __expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???

SHAYARI

1) Taras jaoge tum mehfil-e-wafa ke liye, kisi se pyar na kar khuda ke liye.. Jab lagegi ishq ki aadat ek din, tum hi chune jaoge saza ke liye.

2) Ashiq pagal ho jate hai pyar me,baki kasar puri ho jati hai intezar me,magar ye uski dilruba nahi samajti,vo baith kar chali jati hai kisi aur ki Car mein..

3) Dil ke bazar me daulat nahi dekhi jati,pyar ho jaye to surat nahi dekhi jaati,ek sathi pr luta do sab kuch,kyoki pasand ho cheez to kemat nahi dekhi jati.

4) Dard dil ka hota hai kya, yeh puchhe jra humse koi, chot pahunchti hai tab dil ko bahut jab dil tod deta hai apna hi koi...

5) Kya kahu duniya ne kiya mujpe kaise bair, hukum tha mai jiyu lekin tere bagair..nadan hai vo kehte hai jo mere liye tum ho gair..

6) Duniya badal jaayegi par tum na badalna , mushkil jab bhi aaye bus yaad karna, tumse maange bhi to kya maange, kuch dena hi ho to bus muskura dena..

7) Sachi hai dosti aajmake dekh lo,karke yakin mujh pe mere paas aake dekh lo.badalta nahi kabhi sona apna rang,chahe jitni baar marji aag me jalaake dekh lo.

8) Aaj hum unhe befawa batakar aaye hai,unke khaton ko pani me bahakar aaye hai,koi nikal kar padh na le unhe,isliye pani me bhi aag lagakar aaye hai.

9) Hasi ki rah me gum mile to kya kare.wafa ke naam par bewafa mile to kya kare.kaise bache zindagi dhoke bajo se. koi has ke dhoka de to kya kare.

10) Teri wafa mein sanam, na safar ke rahe na vatan ke rahe,Bikhri laash ke itne tukde hue na kafan ke rahe na dafan ke rahe

15 Laws of Life - its Serious

Great words From Swami Vivekananda

What You Need to Keep in Mind
1. Love Is The Law Of Life: All love is expansion, all selfishness is contraction. Love is therefore the only law of life. He who loves lives, he who is selfish is dying. Therefore, love for love's sake, because it is law of life, just as you breathe to live.
2. It's Your Outlook That Matters: It is our own mental attitude, which makes the world what it is for us. Our thoughts make things beautiful, our thoughts make things ugly. The whole world is in our own minds. Learn to see things in the proper light.

3. Life is Beautiful: First, believe in this world - that there is meaning behind everything. Everything in the world is good, is holy and beautiful. If you see something evil, think that you do not understand it in the right light. Throw the burden on yourselves!

4. It's The Way You Feel: Feel like Christ and you will be a Christ; feel like Buddha and you will be a Buddha. It is feeling that is the life, the strength, the vitality, without which no amount of intellectual activity can reach God.

5. Set Yourself Free: The moment I have realised God sitting in the temple of every human body, the moment I stand in reverence before every human being and see God in him - that moment I am free from bondage, everything that binds vanishes, and I am free.

6. Don't Play The Blame Game: Condemn none: if you can stretch out a helping hand, do so. If you cannot, fold your hands, bless your brothers, and let them go their own way.

7. Help Others: If money helps a man to do good to others, it is of some value; but if not, it is simply a mass of evil, and the sooner it is got rid of, the better.

8. Uphold Your Ideals: Our duty is to encourage every one in his struggle to live up to his own highest idea, and strive at the same time to make the ideal as near as possible to the Truth.

9. Listen To Your Soul: You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but your own soul.

10. Be Yourself: The greatest religion is to be true to your own nature. Have faith in yourselves!


11. Nothing Is Impossible: Never think there is anything impossible for the soul. It is the greatest heresy to think so. If there is sin, this is the only sin - to say that you are weak, or others are weak.

12. You Have The Power: All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark.

13. Learn Everyday: The goal of mankind is knowledge... now this knowledge is inherent in man. No knowledge comes from outside: it is all inside. What we say a man 'knows', should, in strict psychological language, be what he 'discovers' or 'unveils'; what man 'learns' is really what he discovers by taking the cover off his own soul, which is a mine of infinite knowledge.

14. Be Truthful: Everything can be sacrificed for truth, but truth cannot be sacrificed for anything.

15. Think Different: All differences in this world are of degree, and not of kind, because oneness is the secret of everything.