Mark Six is a lottery style game where players have to guess what numbers will be drawn out of a lottery machine. The lottery machine is a transparent plastic sphere which contains colored balls numbered 1 to 49. The sphere is rotated to provide randomization in the drawing process.
Players choose six numbers out of the possible 49. Each selection of the numbers costs 5 HKD and is one selection of the (hoped for!) results of the lottery draw. In the draw, 7 numbers are drawn. The first six numbers drawn are called the "drawn numbers". The last one drawn is called the "extra number". Often, in Cantonese this number is called a 'half number'.
Official Site of Mask Six is here
Monday, October 30, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Bihar Ka Jadoo
1. inside class
-close the doors of the windows please....i have winter in my nose today
-Cut an apple into two halves ---take the bigger half
-shhhhh.. quiet boys....the principal just passed away in the corridor.
-Both of you three ,get out of my class
-Take a copper wire of any metal ...especially of silver.
-Take a 5cm. wire of any length
2. At the ground
-All of you stand in a straight circle
-there is no wind in the balloon
3. To a boy angrily
-I talk ,he talk,why you middle middle talk?????
4. Giving punishment
-you three of you , stand together separately
-you,.... go and understand the tree
-Why are you late??????------say YES or NO.
-close the doors of the windows please....i have winter in my nose today
-Cut an apple into two halves ---take the bigger half
-shhhhh.. quiet boys....the principal just passed away in the corridor.
-Both of you three ,get out of my class
-Take a copper wire of any metal ...especially of silver.
-Take a 5cm. wire of any length
2. At the ground
-All of you stand in a straight circle
-there is no wind in the balloon
3. To a boy angrily
-I talk ,he talk,why you middle middle talk?????
4. Giving punishment
-you three of you , stand together separately
-you,.... go and understand the tree
-Why are you late??????------say YES or NO.
Friday, October 27, 2006
confession
A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband is at
work.
Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts
her
lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there
already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
in
the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks
the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's
go
outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that...
that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to
church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again...."
work.
Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts
her
lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there
already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
in
the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks
the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's
go
outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that...
that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to
church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again...."
Marathi PJ
कर्वे रोडला पाणी येते, पण कोथरुड ला नाही येत. का बरे ?
कारण वाटेत नळ स्टॉप आहे.
एकदा मास्तर बंड्याला वर्गात उभा करतात आणी सांगतात,
" मी कुठला ही प्रश्न विचारला कि त्याच पटकन उत्तर दे".
मास्तर विचारतात," अमेरिकेचे अध्यक्ष कोण?"
बंड्या म्हणतो," पटकन."
Heigth of Optimism
99 वर्षांची म्हातारी जेव्हा 'हच का नया लाइफटाइम रिचार्ज' घेते!
तरुण: मी तुझ्याशी लग्न नाही करू शकत.
तरुणी: का रे काय झाले?
तरुण: घरच्यांचा होकार नाही मिळत आहे.
तरुणी:कोण कोण असते घरी?
तरुण: कोणी जास्त लोक नाहीत. फक्त एक बायको व तिन मुले
कारण वाटेत नळ स्टॉप आहे.
एकदा मास्तर बंड्याला वर्गात उभा करतात आणी सांगतात,
" मी कुठला ही प्रश्न विचारला कि त्याच पटकन उत्तर दे".
मास्तर विचारतात," अमेरिकेचे अध्यक्ष कोण?"
बंड्या म्हणतो," पटकन."
Heigth of Optimism
99 वर्षांची म्हातारी जेव्हा 'हच का नया लाइफटाइम रिचार्ज' घेते!
तरुण: मी तुझ्याशी लग्न नाही करू शकत.
तरुणी: का रे काय झाले?
तरुण: घरच्यांचा होकार नाही मिळत आहे.
तरुणी:कोण कोण असते घरी?
तरुण: कोणी जास्त लोक नाहीत. फक्त एक बायको व तिन मुले
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Disorder in the Court
There is a book called Disorder in the Court . These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Some of these are excellent ...
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the accident?
A: Gucci sweat-shirt and Reeboks.
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: By whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school
did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an autopsy on him.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere...
Some of these are excellent ...
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the accident?
A: Gucci sweat-shirt and Reeboks.
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: By whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school
did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an autopsy on him.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere...
CV blunders
How bad a mistake can you make on your resume?
Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!
Proven ability to track down and correct erors.
Qualifications: No education or experience.
Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.
I am a rabid typist.
Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.
Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me.
Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers.
I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail.
I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one.
My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!
Proven ability to track down and correct erors.
Qualifications: No education or experience.
Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.
I am a rabid typist.
Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.
Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me.
Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers.
I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail.
I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one.
My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
Inspiring Quotes
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits
One sees great things from the valley; only small things from the peak
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Thinking is like loving and dying. Each of us must do it for himself.
The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own.
The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it
I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is
If you are not going to be better tomorrow than you were today, then what need have you for tomorrow?
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.
You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep
If you want to get somewhere you have to know where you want to go and how to get there. Then never, never, never give up
He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare, and he who has one enemy will meet him everywhere
There are not many things in life so beautiful as true friendship, and there are not many things more uncommon
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend.
Where we are today is a result of the choices we made yesterday. Let's make the best choices today that we might have the best tomorrow
The unthankful heart... discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!
The only way to have a friend is to be one
The heart has its reasons that reason does not know
Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator,but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.
True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.
To give anything less then your best is to sacrifice the gift
Vision is not enough; it must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the stairs
One sees great things from the valley; only small things from the peak
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Thinking is like loving and dying. Each of us must do it for himself.
The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own.
The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it
I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is
If you are not going to be better tomorrow than you were today, then what need have you for tomorrow?
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.
You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep
If you want to get somewhere you have to know where you want to go and how to get there. Then never, never, never give up
He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare, and he who has one enemy will meet him everywhere
There are not many things in life so beautiful as true friendship, and there are not many things more uncommon
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend.
Where we are today is a result of the choices we made yesterday. Let's make the best choices today that we might have the best tomorrow
The unthankful heart... discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!
The only way to have a friend is to be one
The heart has its reasons that reason does not know
Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator,but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.
True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.
To give anything less then your best is to sacrifice the gift
Vision is not enough; it must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the stairs
Jail is Fun
Wonder why people complain about going to jail. All that about the free world and earning your own money is hogwash.
Don't believe us? Go on to see just how prison is better than work.
IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK...you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.
IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the toilet.
IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't speak to your family.
IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON.you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK..they are called managers.
Given the cool, hassle free, bill free and tax-free life one has in a prison cell, coming to office daily and working is like third-degree torture.
Don't believe us? Go on to see just how prison is better than work.
IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK...you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.
IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the toilet.
IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't speak to your family.
IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON.you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK..they are called managers.
Given the cool, hassle free, bill free and tax-free life one has in a prison cell, coming to office daily and working is like third-degree torture.
Modern definitions for today's office!
1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One Month
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
And lastly.................
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
And lastly.................
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.
Resignation Letter
A Boss looking through his Mail Box was astonished to see a mail from an Employee who was supposed to be busy working at Client side on a critical project. It had the subject - "TaTa - Bye Bye". With the worst premonition he opened the mail and read the content with trembling hands:-
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving the job. The offer was too lucrative and attractive for me to turn down. I had to abscond because I wanted to avoid a scene with the HR and you. I am sorry but I had no choice.
The project is working fine. There are only 108 issues pending, out of which only 38% issues are High Priority. Hence I am sure there is no need to worry about. The next Phase of major enhancements I have been working upon, have been completed halfway. I am sure the new person who would replace me would not understand what all I had done so far. Hence, for his and your convenience, I have taken care to remove all the work that I had been doing this far for nearly 3 months now. I am sure you will appreciate my insight and "big heart".
I am of course retaining the Originals that I had retrieved for the purpose of Passport verification with me, considering it as a parting gift from you. Of course, I will not pay the bond amount that I owe the company (since I Am breaking the bond). But I will consider this as a parting gift from our Dear company. I moving out of town since the new company is situated in another City.
Also, I have changed my contact number. So you will not be able to get in touch with me, to congratulate me. But I know your blessings are always with me. Last but not the least. I also have the Rs 12000 entrusted to me by our company's cultural events group, for the upcoming movie event. I am sure you would have wanted me to keep it with myself as an added bonus from our company. I respect you very much, hence your wish is my command.
Don't worry sir. I am 2 years experienced now, learning so much from your company. So I will surely use this knowledge to write better programs for the new company. Someday I'm sure we will meet sometime in the future. If you wish, I will surely be glad to give my employee reference for you to apply for a job in the new company which I am joining.
Your faithful employee,
S. W. Engineer
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PS". Hands still trembling, the Boss read:
PS: Dearest Boss, none of the above is true. I'm am still busy working at client side. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my "Request to reconsider my Salary Appraisal" attached with this mail. Please approve it and call when it is safe for me to come to our Office to discuss this. My respect and Best Regards to you!
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving the job. The offer was too lucrative and attractive for me to turn down. I had to abscond because I wanted to avoid a scene with the HR and you. I am sorry but I had no choice.
The project is working fine. There are only 108 issues pending, out of which only 38% issues are High Priority. Hence I am sure there is no need to worry about. The next Phase of major enhancements I have been working upon, have been completed halfway. I am sure the new person who would replace me would not understand what all I had done so far. Hence, for his and your convenience, I have taken care to remove all the work that I had been doing this far for nearly 3 months now. I am sure you will appreciate my insight and "big heart".
I am of course retaining the Originals that I had retrieved for the purpose of Passport verification with me, considering it as a parting gift from you. Of course, I will not pay the bond amount that I owe the company (since I Am breaking the bond). But I will consider this as a parting gift from our Dear company. I moving out of town since the new company is situated in another City.
Also, I have changed my contact number. So you will not be able to get in touch with me, to congratulate me. But I know your blessings are always with me. Last but not the least. I also have the Rs 12000 entrusted to me by our company's cultural events group, for the upcoming movie event. I am sure you would have wanted me to keep it with myself as an added bonus from our company. I respect you very much, hence your wish is my command.
Don't worry sir. I am 2 years experienced now, learning so much from your company. So I will surely use this knowledge to write better programs for the new company. Someday I'm sure we will meet sometime in the future. If you wish, I will surely be glad to give my employee reference for you to apply for a job in the new company which I am joining.
Your faithful employee,
S. W. Engineer
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PS". Hands still trembling, the Boss read:
PS: Dearest Boss, none of the above is true. I'm am still busy working at client side. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my "Request to reconsider my Salary Appraisal" attached with this mail. Please approve it and call when it is safe for me to come to our Office to discuss this. My respect and Best Regards to you!
Ultimate (Read it)
A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to
see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw
an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was
addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and
read the letter with trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm
leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to
avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with
Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him
too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But
it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants
me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though
Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is
it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of
our relationship, don't you agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods
and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has
other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own
way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my
dreams too.
Randy t aught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be
growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the
cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will
find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know
your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie.
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still
trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call
when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!
see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw
an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was
addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and
read the letter with trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm
leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to
avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with
Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him
too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But
it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants
me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though
Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is
it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of
our relationship, don't you agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods
and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has
other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own
way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my
dreams too.
Randy t aught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be
growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the
cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will
find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know
your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie.
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still
trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call
when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!
Joke
Junior asks his dad,
"Daddy, how was I born?"
His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies,
"Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out
anyway!" "Well, you see your Mom and I first got together
in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with
your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a
secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from
my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we
discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but
it was too late to hit the delete button."
"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying
that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized
program activity from a self extracting file which had
implanted itself in her BIOS. Then nine months later a
little Pop-Up appeared and said:
'You've Got Male'!"
"Daddy, how was I born?"
His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies,
"Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out
anyway!" "Well, you see your Mom and I first got together
in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with
your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a
secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from
my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we
discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but
it was too late to hit the delete button."
"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying
that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized
program activity from a self extracting file which had
implanted itself in her BIOS. Then nine months later a
little Pop-Up appeared and said:
'You've Got Male'!"
Characteristics of a Marathi girlfriend
Characteristics of a Marathi girlfriend:
1. She gets really angry if you introduce her as your Girlfriend. SHE WILL
NEVER ACCEPT SHE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR/ PRAKARAN/ LAFDA.
2. She will put u behind bars, if u put ur arm around her in public.
3. You call her mother 'mavshi' or 'kaku'.
4. When she is really sad she goes 'kahi nahi' and doesn't look at you.
5. At least one of her childhood photos has her dressed in a green
parkar-polka/navvari/sari.
6. In a raging thunderstorm if there's a flash of lightening, (lets face it)
she is not going to hug you like in the movies.
7. You have to listen natya sangeet! , to get in good with her dad. Better
Know Ganpati Stotra to impress her Mom
8. You have to convince her that 'the 3 hours we spent in Garden actually
qualifies as a date.
9. She blushes when somebody asks her about you.
10. She doesnt wear jeans and skimpy T-shirts but takes it for granted that her
career is as important as yours.
11. She remembers all the poems in high school texts.
12. If you even dare to compare her with your sister…….hold on……… world war
3!!
13. You do not meet her, neither does she, on Rakhi poornima. Hai ki nahin? :)
14. You and her brother (specially elder) are not buddies.
15. Ghari tujhya avdicha padartha kela tar athvanine dabyat gheun yete.
16. Your date on Chaturthi will be at siddhivinayak mandir at Dadar/Dagdu Sheth
Halwai Ganpati Mandir.
17. You! have to accompany her while she does shopping ..even if it embarrasses
the man in you.
18. She is more comfortable on Senapati Bapat Road than on Band stand.
19. Typical Marathi Girl Quotes:
- Shee Bai
- Watratach aahe mela
- Hee kon baya?
- Chal na re!
- Nahich muli!
- Gelas udat!
- Mazhi Aai ragvel (most frequently used excuse)
- Ha kaay avtaar?
- Khula ki kaay
Enjoy....
1. She gets really angry if you introduce her as your Girlfriend. SHE WILL
NEVER ACCEPT SHE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR/ PRAKARAN/ LAFDA.
2. She will put u behind bars, if u put ur arm around her in public.
3. You call her mother 'mavshi' or 'kaku'.
4. When she is really sad she goes 'kahi nahi' and doesn't look at you.
5. At least one of her childhood photos has her dressed in a green
parkar-polka/navvari/sari.
6. In a raging thunderstorm if there's a flash of lightening, (lets face it)
she is not going to hug you like in the movies.
7. You have to listen natya sangeet! , to get in good with her dad. Better
Know Ganpati Stotra to impress her Mom
8. You have to convince her that 'the 3 hours we spent in Garden actually
qualifies as a date.
9. She blushes when somebody asks her about you.
10. She doesnt wear jeans and skimpy T-shirts but takes it for granted that her
career is as important as yours.
11. She remembers all the poems in high school texts.
12. If you even dare to compare her with your sister…….hold on……… world war
3!!
13. You do not meet her, neither does she, on Rakhi poornima. Hai ki nahin? :)
14. You and her brother (specially elder) are not buddies.
15. Ghari tujhya avdicha padartha kela tar athvanine dabyat gheun yete.
16. Your date on Chaturthi will be at siddhivinayak mandir at Dadar/Dagdu Sheth
Halwai Ganpati Mandir.
17. You! have to accompany her while she does shopping ..even if it embarrasses
the man in you.
18. She is more comfortable on Senapati Bapat Road than on Band stand.
19. Typical Marathi Girl Quotes:
- Shee Bai
- Watratach aahe mela
- Hee kon baya?
- Chal na re!
- Nahich muli!
- Gelas udat!
- Mazhi Aai ragvel (most frequently used excuse)
- Ha kaay avtaar?
- Khula ki kaay
Enjoy....
Tension
The moment you are in tension
You will lose your attention
When you are in total confusion
You will feel irritation
Then you will spoil personnel relation
Which will make things a complication
Then your B.P may also rise to caution
And you may have to make medication
Instead,
Understand the situation
And try to think about the solution
Many a problems will be solved by discussion
Which will work out better in profession
Don?t think it is my free suggestion
It is only for your precaution
If you understand my intension
Then you will never come again to
TENSION!!!.
You will lose your attention
When you are in total confusion
You will feel irritation
Then you will spoil personnel relation
Which will make things a complication
Then your B.P may also rise to caution
And you may have to make medication
Instead,
Understand the situation
And try to think about the solution
Many a problems will be solved by discussion
Which will work out better in profession
Don?t think it is my free suggestion
It is only for your precaution
If you understand my intension
Then you will never come again to
TENSION!!!.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Santa De Jokes
Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi
hoti hai. Mummy
ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se
• Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
• In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to
tumhari aatma se
pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main
tumhari rooh ko
chahta hoon, tumhara shareer tio mein kutton ko daal
doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW
• Santa & Banta were going with their friend on one
scooter & a
traffic cop tried to stop them.
Santa said: Sorry bhaji, already 3 baithe hain bilkul
bhi jagah nahin
hai
• Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3
movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For u n ur parents
• Banta: Y do u take ur wife only to night clubs?
Santa: By the time she gets ready no other place is
open
• Museum Administrator: That's a 500 year old statue
u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
• Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar
auraton ko kyon
ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne
ka samay 9am-
11am
• A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khediye.
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoe paa ke hune aaya.
• Banta: I've discovered the origin of the word
Good-Bye
Santa: Oh, yeah? What's it? Banta: Many years ago,
some husband said
to his wife, 'I'm leaving u!' & the wife said: Good!
Bye!
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I
hv lst my
hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has
lost his head.
Is he crying?
• In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
• Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole
night. He got
irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab
maroge!
• Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado
Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number
pe tha
• Banta: Yaar teri wife di maut da bara afsos hoya,
vaise hoya ki si?
Sant: Goli lagi si mathe vich.
Banta: Waheguru ji da shukar kar ke akh bach gayi.
• Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha.
Driver ne
sheesha set kiya. Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko
dekhkta hai,
piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!
• Santa: tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai...?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.
• Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says
This is all
India Radio!
• Banta: U looked troubled, what's ur prob?
Santa: I'm going to b a father
Banta: But, that's wonderful
Santa: What's wonderful! My wife doesn't know about it
yet
• O yaar hun meri kudi jawaan ho gayi hai, ki karan?
Banta: Karna ki hai, ohnu border te bhej de, saanu
jawaanan di badi
lor hai
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi
hoti hai. Mummy
ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se
• Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
• In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to
tumhari aatma se
pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main
tumhari rooh ko
chahta hoon, tumhara shareer tio mein kutton ko daal
doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW
• Santa & Banta were going with their friend on one
scooter & a
traffic cop tried to stop them.
Santa said: Sorry bhaji, already 3 baithe hain bilkul
bhi jagah nahin
hai
• Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3
movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For u n ur parents
• Banta: Y do u take ur wife only to night clubs?
Santa: By the time she gets ready no other place is
open
• Museum Administrator: That's a 500 year old statue
u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
• Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar
auraton ko kyon
ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne
ka samay 9am-
11am
• A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khediye.
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoe paa ke hune aaya.
• Banta: I've discovered the origin of the word
Good-Bye
Santa: Oh, yeah? What's it? Banta: Many years ago,
some husband said
to his wife, 'I'm leaving u!' & the wife said: Good!
Bye!
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I
hv lst my
hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has
lost his head.
Is he crying?
• In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
• Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole
night. He got
irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab
maroge!
• Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado
Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number
pe tha
• Banta: Yaar teri wife di maut da bara afsos hoya,
vaise hoya ki si?
Sant: Goli lagi si mathe vich.
Banta: Waheguru ji da shukar kar ke akh bach gayi.
• Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha.
Driver ne
sheesha set kiya. Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko
dekhkta hai,
piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!
• Santa: tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai...?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.
• Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says
This is all
India Radio!
• Banta: U looked troubled, what's ur prob?
Santa: I'm going to b a father
Banta: But, that's wonderful
Santa: What's wonderful! My wife doesn't know about it
yet
• O yaar hun meri kudi jawaan ho gayi hai, ki karan?
Banta: Karna ki hai, ohnu border te bhej de, saanu
jawaanan di badi
lor hai
Good One
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweller said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "by check."
"I know you need to make sure my cheqe is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine watta weekend I had?"
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweller said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "by check."
"I know you need to make sure my cheqe is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine watta weekend I had?"
Bhai Ka Resume
Pakya Bhai Supariwala
Objective:
To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)
Education:
* B.S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
* M.S. (Criminal Sciences) Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and the Unlawful Activists(VPISUA), August 1996.
Thesis:
"On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts"
Coursework:
Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and Timer Device Theory, International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking, Object Oriented Crime Design
Work Experience:
* Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990-Aug 1991
* Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
* Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry; and mint flavors (Patent# 007,13,666)
Summer Internship:
Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay, June1987-July1990
* Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many supari style killings
* Participated in election rigging in Bihar and made hafta Collections
Honors & Achievements:
* Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child prodigies in crime)
* Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum) student chapter
* Performer of the year in 2004 General Elections in Bihar & U.P.
* Strong hold on Govt. & NGOs.
* Specialized in extortion,illegal construction business & fake academic degree supply.
References:
* Dr. Charles Sobhraj, Full Time Prof., Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Chandra Swamy, Visiting Faculty Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Dawood Ibrahim, Overseas Projects Manager, Dubai
Objective:
To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)
Education:
* B.S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
* M.S. (Criminal Sciences) Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and the Unlawful Activists(VPISUA), August 1996.
Thesis:
"On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts"
Coursework:
Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and Timer Device Theory, International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking, Object Oriented Crime Design
Work Experience:
* Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990-Aug 1991
* Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
* Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry; and mint flavors (Patent# 007,13,666)
Summer Internship:
Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay, June1987-July1990
* Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many supari style killings
* Participated in election rigging in Bihar and made hafta Collections
Honors & Achievements:
* Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child prodigies in crime)
* Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum) student chapter
* Performer of the year in 2004 General Elections in Bihar & U.P.
* Strong hold on Govt. & NGOs.
* Specialized in extortion,illegal construction business & fake academic degree supply.
References:
* Dr. Charles Sobhraj, Full Time Prof., Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Chandra Swamy, Visiting Faculty Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Dawood Ibrahim, Overseas Projects Manager, Dubai
How to identify cities in India ???
Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and
they start arguing about who's right. You are in Kolkata
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks
on. That's Mumbai
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make
peace. The first two get together & beat him up. That's Delhi
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and
quietly opens a chai-stall. That's Ahmedabad.
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software
program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug
in the program. That's Bangalore
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and
quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes
in. That's Chennai.
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their
friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting. You are DEFINITELY IN
HARYANA.
Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Finally two political parties are fighting. You
are DEFINITELY IN BIHAR.
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and
they start arguing about who's right. You are in Kolkata
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks
on. That's Mumbai
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make
peace. The first two get together & beat him up. That's Delhi
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and
quietly opens a chai-stall. That's Ahmedabad.
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software
program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug
in the program. That's Bangalore
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and
quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes
in. That's Chennai.
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their
friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting. You are DEFINITELY IN
HARYANA.
Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Finally two political parties are fighting. You
are DEFINITELY IN BIHAR.
Simply Unbelievable
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
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