If only Resumes told the truth!

EMPLOYMENT
* NETWORK MANAGEMENT
(Present): Produced daily itinerary
Of television programs to watch.
Duties included changing channels,
Avoiding infomercials, and staying
Tuned after those messages.
* DEBT CONSOLIDATION (7/05-
10/06): Using various tools such as
Credit cards and borrowed cash, I
Managed to combine groups of
Unpaid bills into one monthly bill
That goes straight to my father.
* RESIDENT INHALER (9/03-6/05):
Assisted all students with chemical intake from purchasing to exhaling.

COMPUTER SKILLS
* Solitaire
* Minesweeper
* On/Off Repair Method

HONORS AND AWARDS
* First Place in Hot Dog eating and beer drinking tournaments.
* Said Toast at brother's wedding.
* Highest Score on Pin Ball Machine.

For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses, please pose all Questions as though you're considering me as a law school applicant.