"Merry Christmas"

Jingle bells, jingle bells, it's Christmas once again ! It's time for Santa Claus, for mistletoe kisses and for togetherness. Share the joys of this merry occasion with your friends/ family/ acquaintances/ loved ones. Bring on their holiday smiles and spread lotsa Christmas cheer around with these beautiful wishes.

Wish you a "Merry Christmas"

Good Joke

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a
sudden, he said out loud, “Lord, grant me one wish.”
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord
said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I
will grant you one wish.”
The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime
I want to.”
The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the
logistics of that kind of undertaking.! The concrete and steel it would
take. Take a little more time and think of another wish, one that would
honor and glorify me.”
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I
wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside,
what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they
cry, what they mean when they say ‘nothing’, and how can I make a
woman truly happy.”
After a few minutes God said, “You want two lanes or four on that
bridge?”

Words Women use

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

A Shiity lesson!!

A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to
the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there,
a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung,
it began to realize how warm it was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy,
and soon to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound,
the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,
and promptly dug it out and ate it.
Management Lesson?
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best
to keep your mouth shut!!!!!

POPE Vs SANTA

About a century or two ago,the Pope decided that all the Sardars had to leave Italy. There was a big uproar from the Sardar community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sardar community. If the Sardar won,the Sardars could stay. If the Pope won,the Sardars would leave. The Sardars picked a middle aged man named Santa Singh to represent them.

Santa Singh asked for one addition to the debate.
To make it more interesting,neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

Santa Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Santa Singh looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.
Santa Singh pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.
Santa Singh pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said, -I give up.
This man is too good. The Sardars can stay.

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said,First I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by
pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?

Meanwhile,the Sardar community had crowded around Santa Singh. What happened? they asked. Well,said Santa Singh,First he said to me that the Sardars had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sardars. I let him know that we were staying right here.

Then??..

I don't know,said Santa Singh,
He took out his lunch,and I took out mine..!

MEN Vs WOMAN

TWO WOMEN TALKING:

==================================

Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I
mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I
think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I
think.

Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could
easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I
was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent
my long neck.

Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to
take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your
shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms,
see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to
fit me so much easier. ......................


...........................................
...
...
...
....
....
...
...
...
...

NOW TWO MEN TALKING
======================================


Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah

INDIAN MIND

An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000"

The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"

Ah, the mind of the Indian...

This is why India is shining

Amazing isn't it?