By all Means... MARRY!
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Friday, February 16, 2007
Saturday, February 03, 2007
If only Resumes told the truth!
EMPLOYMENT
* NETWORK MANAGEMENT
(Present): Produced daily itinerary
Of television programs to watch.
Duties included changing channels,
Avoiding infomercials, and staying
Tuned after those messages.
* DEBT CONSOLIDATION (7/05-
10/06): Using various tools such as
Credit cards and borrowed cash, I
Managed to combine groups of
Unpaid bills into one monthly bill
That goes straight to my father.
* RESIDENT INHALER (9/03-6/05):
Assisted all students with chemical intake from purchasing to exhaling.
COMPUTER SKILLS
* Solitaire
* Minesweeper
* On/Off Repair Method
HONORS AND AWARDS
* First Place in Hot Dog eating and beer drinking tournaments.
* Said Toast at brother's wedding.
* Highest Score on Pin Ball Machine.
For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses, please pose all Questions as though you're considering me as a law school applicant.
* NETWORK MANAGEMENT
(Present): Produced daily itinerary
Of television programs to watch.
Duties included changing channels,
Avoiding infomercials, and staying
Tuned after those messages.
* DEBT CONSOLIDATION (7/05-
10/06): Using various tools such as
Credit cards and borrowed cash, I
Managed to combine groups of
Unpaid bills into one monthly bill
That goes straight to my father.
* RESIDENT INHALER (9/03-6/05):
Assisted all students with chemical intake from purchasing to exhaling.
COMPUTER SKILLS
* Solitaire
* Minesweeper
* On/Off Repair Method
HONORS AND AWARDS
* First Place in Hot Dog eating and beer drinking tournaments.
* Said Toast at brother's wedding.
* Highest Score on Pin Ball Machine.
For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses, please pose all Questions as though you're considering me as a law school applicant.
EK SHAADI KI DAASTAAN:
Just after Marriage
Abhi shadi ka pehla hi saal tha
Khushi ke maare mera bura haal tha
Khushiyan kuch yun umad rahi thi
Ke sambhale nahin sambhal rahi thi
Subah subah madam ka chai Le kar aana
Thoda sharmate hue hame neend se jagana
Who pyar bhara haath hamare baalon mein phirana
Muskurate hue kehna ke darling chai pee loo
Jaldi se ready ho jao, office ko bhi hai jana
Ghar wali bhagwan ka roop Le kar aayi thi
Dil aur dimagh per poori tarah chaayi thi
Saans bhi lete the toh naam isi ka hota tha
Ek pal bhi door jeena dushwar hota tha
5 years later
Subah subah madam ka chai Le kar aana
Table per rakh ke zor se chillaana
Aaj office jaate hue munne ko school chodte jaana
Ek baar phir wohi awaaz aayi
'kya baat hai nahin chodi abhi tak chaarpaayi'
Agar munna late ho gaya toh dekh Lena
Munne ki teachers ko phir khud hee sambhal Lena
Najaane ghar wali kaisa roop Le kar aayi thi
Dil aur dimagh par kaali ghata jaise chaayi thi
Saans bhi lete hain toh unhi ka khayaal hota hai
Har samay zehan mey ek hee sawaal hota hai
Kya kabhi who din lout aayenge
Kya kabhi hum ek bar phir kunware ban paayenge?
Abhi shadi ka pehla hi saal tha
Khushi ke maare mera bura haal tha
Khushiyan kuch yun umad rahi thi
Ke sambhale nahin sambhal rahi thi
Subah subah madam ka chai Le kar aana
Thoda sharmate hue hame neend se jagana
Who pyar bhara haath hamare baalon mein phirana
Muskurate hue kehna ke darling chai pee loo
Jaldi se ready ho jao, office ko bhi hai jana
Ghar wali bhagwan ka roop Le kar aayi thi
Dil aur dimagh per poori tarah chaayi thi
Saans bhi lete the toh naam isi ka hota tha
Ek pal bhi door jeena dushwar hota tha
5 years later
Subah subah madam ka chai Le kar aana
Table per rakh ke zor se chillaana
Aaj office jaate hue munne ko school chodte jaana
Ek baar phir wohi awaaz aayi
'kya baat hai nahin chodi abhi tak chaarpaayi'
Agar munna late ho gaya toh dekh Lena
Munne ki teachers ko phir khud hee sambhal Lena
Najaane ghar wali kaisa roop Le kar aayi thi
Dil aur dimagh par kaali ghata jaise chaayi thi
Saans bhi lete hain toh unhi ka khayaal hota hai
Har samay zehan mey ek hee sawaal hota hai
Kya kabhi who din lout aayenge
Kya kabhi hum ek bar phir kunware ban paayenge?
10 Reasons Why God Created Eve!
10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because he knew Men would never ask directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote Because men don't want to see what's on television, they want to see what else is On television.
8. God knew that Adam would
Never buy a new fig leaf when the
Seat wore out and therefore would
Need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would
Never make a doctors appointment
For himself.
6. God knew that Adam would
Never remember which night was
Garbage night.
5. God knew that if the world was
To be populated there would have
To be someone to bear children, because men would never be able to handle it.
4. As "Keeper of the Garden" Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The scripture account of creation indicates that Adam needed someone to
Blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone." He only ends up getting
Himself in trouble.
AND the #1 REASON WHY GOD CREATED EVE is ...
*
*
*
*
1. When God had finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his
Head and said, "I know I can do better than THIS!!"
9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote Because men don't want to see what's on television, they want to see what else is On television.
8. God knew that Adam would
Never buy a new fig leaf when the
Seat wore out and therefore would
Need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would
Never make a doctors appointment
For himself.
6. God knew that Adam would
Never remember which night was
Garbage night.
5. God knew that if the world was
To be populated there would have
To be someone to bear children, because men would never be able to handle it.
4. As "Keeper of the Garden" Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The scripture account of creation indicates that Adam needed someone to
Blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone." He only ends up getting
Himself in trouble.
AND the #1 REASON WHY GOD CREATED EVE is ...
*
*
*
*
1. When God had finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his
Head and said, "I know I can do better than THIS!!"
In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men!!!
I n the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with
Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy
(-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)
HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the
colours of your favourite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned __expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with
Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy
(-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)
HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the
colours of your favourite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned __expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???
SHAYARI
1) Taras jaoge tum mehfil-e-wafa ke liye, kisi se pyar na kar khuda ke liye.. Jab lagegi ishq ki aadat ek din, tum hi chune jaoge saza ke liye.
2) Ashiq pagal ho jate hai pyar me,baki kasar puri ho jati hai intezar me,magar ye uski dilruba nahi samajti,vo baith kar chali jati hai kisi aur ki Car mein..
3) Dil ke bazar me daulat nahi dekhi jati,pyar ho jaye to surat nahi dekhi jaati,ek sathi pr luta do sab kuch,kyoki pasand ho cheez to kemat nahi dekhi jati.
4) Dard dil ka hota hai kya, yeh puchhe jra humse koi, chot pahunchti hai tab dil ko bahut jab dil tod deta hai apna hi koi...
5) Kya kahu duniya ne kiya mujpe kaise bair, hukum tha mai jiyu lekin tere bagair..nadan hai vo kehte hai jo mere liye tum ho gair..
6) Duniya badal jaayegi par tum na badalna , mushkil jab bhi aaye bus yaad karna, tumse maange bhi to kya maange, kuch dena hi ho to bus muskura dena..
7) Sachi hai dosti aajmake dekh lo,karke yakin mujh pe mere paas aake dekh lo.badalta nahi kabhi sona apna rang,chahe jitni baar marji aag me jalaake dekh lo.
8) Aaj hum unhe befawa batakar aaye hai,unke khaton ko pani me bahakar aaye hai,koi nikal kar padh na le unhe,isliye pani me bhi aag lagakar aaye hai.
9) Hasi ki rah me gum mile to kya kare.wafa ke naam par bewafa mile to kya kare.kaise bache zindagi dhoke bajo se. koi has ke dhoka de to kya kare.
10) Teri wafa mein sanam, na safar ke rahe na vatan ke rahe,Bikhri laash ke itne tukde hue na kafan ke rahe na dafan ke rahe
2) Ashiq pagal ho jate hai pyar me,baki kasar puri ho jati hai intezar me,magar ye uski dilruba nahi samajti,vo baith kar chali jati hai kisi aur ki Car mein..
3) Dil ke bazar me daulat nahi dekhi jati,pyar ho jaye to surat nahi dekhi jaati,ek sathi pr luta do sab kuch,kyoki pasand ho cheez to kemat nahi dekhi jati.
4) Dard dil ka hota hai kya, yeh puchhe jra humse koi, chot pahunchti hai tab dil ko bahut jab dil tod deta hai apna hi koi...
5) Kya kahu duniya ne kiya mujpe kaise bair, hukum tha mai jiyu lekin tere bagair..nadan hai vo kehte hai jo mere liye tum ho gair..
6) Duniya badal jaayegi par tum na badalna , mushkil jab bhi aaye bus yaad karna, tumse maange bhi to kya maange, kuch dena hi ho to bus muskura dena..
7) Sachi hai dosti aajmake dekh lo,karke yakin mujh pe mere paas aake dekh lo.badalta nahi kabhi sona apna rang,chahe jitni baar marji aag me jalaake dekh lo.
8) Aaj hum unhe befawa batakar aaye hai,unke khaton ko pani me bahakar aaye hai,koi nikal kar padh na le unhe,isliye pani me bhi aag lagakar aaye hai.
9) Hasi ki rah me gum mile to kya kare.wafa ke naam par bewafa mile to kya kare.kaise bache zindagi dhoke bajo se. koi has ke dhoka de to kya kare.
10) Teri wafa mein sanam, na safar ke rahe na vatan ke rahe,Bikhri laash ke itne tukde hue na kafan ke rahe na dafan ke rahe
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